If you’ve caught local director Kelvin Tong’s horror movie Rule #1 last month, you’d know that there are four rules governing the premise of our existence as follows:

• Rule #4: They (read: spirits) are all around you



• Rule #3: The truth is not what it seems



• Rule #2: Never let them (read: evil spirits) touch you



• Rule #1: There are no ghosts in this world

I find his hypothesis too iffy for my liking. Why, I could easily come up with so many extensions to challenge the presumptions. They include:

• Rule #4: There are cabs all around you, but none of them are willing to stop during the magic time belt between 2200 and 2359hrs. You could dislodge an arm from all that waving, but you’ll still be frighteningly shunned, as would mere mortals from malicious spirits. You tell me which is scarier.



• Rule #3: There seems to be plenty of empty cabs cruising on the roads. There seems to be an equal number of people flagging them down during the magic hour. It seems to be a perfect example of supply meets demand. But it also seems that cabbies could have taken economist Adam Smith’s invisible hand theory too literally. And this seems to be true.



• Rule #2: Touch? You’d be lucky if one (a cab) even gets near you during said timing.



• Rule #1: Perhaps there are. And they could be the ones behind those wheels you think you see a lot of.

Now all this highfalutin talk about rules and spirits is giving me a splitting headache...and making me thirsty. Really, my brain is made for simpler stuff, such as daydreaming and wine sipping. Speaking of which (and since we’re on the topic of rules), I’m reminded of some wine appreciation pointers. Let me share these “rules” with you:

• Rule #4: Take my breath away

Some people like to open up red wine in advance so as to allow it to “take a breather”. While this act could help get rid of mercaptans, a compound with sulfuric qualities or less-than-pleasant smells associated with glass bottles, one needn’t be a stickler and obsess too much with this idea. A more appropriate form of breathing could be done via slight agitation (ie, gentle swirling action) of the glass (with the wine in it, of course).

• Rule #3: Drain, drain, go away

While some people may say that decanting can help a wine aerate, thereby bring out its full aroma when consumed, others argue that it is necessary only for wines with some naturally occurring sedimentation. Vintage Port is one example of such wines.

In any case, if the act of decanting makes you feel more like a connoisseur or chi chi wine snob, then by all means go ahead with it. Pour your wine slowly but steadily poured into a clean glass jug while you’re decanting it. If you’re really particular, shine a candle or torch at the shoulder of the wine bottle. Relish in the cheap thrill of seeing sediments collected near the bottleneck.

• Rule #2: Gleam, gleam glass of wine

A glass’s shape affects how much of a wine’s aroma can be trapped and delivered. They should ideally be tulip-shaped with a comparatively wide body (bottom) and which narrows towards the top.

Holding the glass by its stem minimises temperature fluctuations and prevents fingerprints, so get glasses with longer stems to make swirling easier. Traditionally, white wine is served in a larger glass, and red wine in a smaller one. But other than an aesthetical appeal, this doesn’t give rise to a great many tangible differences.

• Rule #1: Pour gently, spill not

Do not fill your wine glass to the brim. (This helps you to conserve your supplies if you’re hosting an alcohol appreciation party!) The halfway mark is ideal. (Unfortunately, it also means that you’re unlikely to get your money’s worth when you visit a wine bar.)

The way to get around this without looking like a scrooge (with reference to the former point) is to serve as frequently as your guests require. This practice also gives the wine breathing allowances as the drinkers take the chance to swirl their wine, let it breathe and enjoy the aroma.

And while you pour the wine, hold the bottle by the base and twist your wrist slightly as you’re about to be done to prevent dribbling.

I’d like to draw up a longer list, but I have to go as my cab is here. Plus my brain’s beginning to split.